Most Common Questions Asked During Couples Counseling

Here are some of the most common questions that are asked during couples counseling. What’s wrong with your relationship? What’s still working? – Ask a relationship therapist. Schedule your appointment online now.

When you and your partner begin your relationship counseling journey, you will discover that collaboration between you and your partner is necessary to improve your relationship. As long as both parties are open to sharing and accepting counseling, this process of exploration can be very rewarding, and will help your relationship succeed. While couples therapy is rarely routine, those who have experienced it have come across a variety of valuable questions posed by their therapists, who have had a positive impact on their respective relationships.

Do you think you’re happy? How does your level of joy affect your relationship?

Happiness is a contradictory concept. Perhaps you assume that since you are comfortable with your partner, and are able to describe certain wants or needs, and can even share certain intimate stories that lead to positive emotions. However, it is essential to ask yourself whether or not you are really happy with the person. It is also important that your partner answers the same question, regarding whether they are fully happy with you. In many cases, two people are together simply because they want to feel safe, secure, and comfortable; not because they are happy.  The question must be asked, because often, the most encouraging results that couples counseling in Montreal can provide, is to accept that it is better to let something go when it no longer works, than to waste time in a relationship you and your partner are not determined to save, work on, and thrive in.

What are your relationship predictions for the present and the future?

Overall damage and conflict within a relationship vary considerably from couple to couple, and a therapist must understand the extent of the repairs required, before the couple can be on a level playing field again. One way a couple can think about their relationship, is either as a sunny day, a partially cloudy day, a heavily cloudy day, or a stormy day. Once the therapist has determined the severity of the damage, he or she can then begin to isolate some of the factors that contribute to the overall “weather.” An equally important question to ask is: what are your projections for the future? If either or both partners foresee failure, an assessment and further consideration of the need to repair the relationship is required. If the expected result is encouraging, this is very good news for the pair.

What brought you together in the first place?

When couples are caught up in resentment and conflict, it can be hard to remember why they even got together in the first place. The farther away they are from this feeling of happiness and friendliness, the easier it is to justify breaking up the relationship, which is a problem if the couple wants to stay together and love each other. To help restore some of that desire, it is necessary for the couple to go back and think about why they decided to start a relationship with each other, and about some of the things they like about each other. If they can make a list, it will help show the other person that there was love once, and that it still exists. If very little comes to mind, however, the couple may have to consider how they wish to proceed and whether the relationship is worth saving.

What more do you want your partner to do?

This is a great question because it allows both partners to express their wishes, while helping the other partner realize that they may not have been as loving or caring as they should have been. When these types of needs or desires are expressed outside the session, it may be perceived as needy, clingy or, in the case of a dispute, simply anger. However, when these needs and desires are presented in a safe, non-judgmental space, partners may see that their partner’s needs are not being met and a problem arises. It can also help the couple set goals by trying to implement these needs in their daily lives.

Common Questions

The most common questions in premarital counseling focus on expectations for the marriage. Topics include: the roles you will each play in the family, raising children, your finances, and which direction you are headed in life. Some of the most common questions you may be asked by a relationship therapist in Montreal or in pre-marital couples counseling are:

Why do you want to get married?

What do you both want in your lives?

Where do you think you’ll be in ten or twenty years, or beyond?

How would you describe yourself? Are you a supportive partner?

Do you have a history of substance abuse?

Do you want to have children? How soon? How many?

This is not an exhaustive list of the topics and questions you will encounter in couples therapy or premarital couples counseling, but it does provide a good idea of what you can expect. These questions are a great starting point for couples therapy or couples counseling, as they cover many different aspects of conjugal life.