Can Counseling Help With Loss?
So, how do you rebuild after grief? Why do some people fall into complicated, even pathological grief? How to recover from a breakup or in short, the loss of someone?
Mourning, whose etymological origin is dolus, pain in Latin, provokes feelings of sadness and psychic suffering, sometimes even of physical suffering, and forces us to confront a radical and definitive change. But what can we do to begin the journey that will lead us to resilience; that is, to accept trauma, so that we can rebuild ourselves?
The death of a loved one is referred to as a “grieving journey”, a “bereavement journey”, or “managing a life breakdown”. These metaphors tell us that society is becoming increasingly aware that mourning is a job. It is not a parenthesis that one closes to resume the course of his life as if nothing had happened. This is why it can be interesting to consult a therapist during bereavement.
If you are going through this painful ordeal, you may ask yourself to see a therapist. He can listen to you and help you through the grieving process.
Grief Is Not Limited to the Loss of a Loved One
While the loss of a loved one is one of the most painful bereavements, you can also grieve when you lose something that was important to you.
We can experience intense grief when a:
- loved one (spouse, family member, or friend) dies
- serious relationship ends
- loved one falls seriously ill
In addition, other losses can cause grief of varying intensity, for example:
- when a friendship ends
- disability, illness or injury
- change in the health of someone you love
- moving to a new location
- loss of employment, relocation or reassignment
- the death of a pet
- the death of someone you admire but have never met
- pregnancy, birth or return to work after maternity leave
- the departure of a child from the home
- loss of a dream or goal that was important to you, including the dreams of your loved ones, such as getting married or having children
- a change in your financial situation
- change in habits or responsibilities, including ending caregiving
Regardless of the loss you are experiencing, it is important to know that the feelings you may experience, are normal. In fact, recognizing loss is an important step in the grieving process.
Why Consult in a Time of Mourning?
In the first few weeks, you can easily find attentive ears within your surroundings. But, since you will need to repeat your memories and/or trauma often, you may then run the risk of seeing your close circle become increasingly worn out (they may also be impacted directly or indirectly by this loss). However, perhaps you feel the need to keep everything to yourself, which can be quite difficult to handle.
Speaking during the grieving process is essential, to heal, and in terms of reasoning, so that you aren’t chronically pre-occupied by your loss. At first, you may learn that your loved one has passed away, but you may find it hard to believe, and be in a state of denial. It can take time to harmonize “knowing” and “believing”, to truly accept someone’s absence. Talking to a therapist helps you to better understand your emotions, and welcomes them to better manage them.
When to Consult a Therapist?
The first thing that can lead you to consult a therapist during grief, is a profound feeling of being wrong. This results in the discovery of new, unusual emotions, such as excessive anger, an inappropriate reaction to a seemingly neglibible event, or even signs of depression or suicidal ideation. Consult a therapist to learn to identify these signs, and gradually overcome them.
Feeling Like You Don’t Know Who to Talk To
In the first few weeks, you may feel able to manage your grief rather peacefully. But after one to three months, the numbness may subside. It is often around this period that defenses collapse, and mourners realize that the loss is final.
You can then find yourself in a very complicated period; in the heart of suffering, with complex and intense emotions. At this point, the desire to speak is at its strongest. The desire to express one’s emotions and pain are felt. But very often, at this latter stage, the people around them no longer seem to have an attentive ear, or the availability offered during initial weeks. They may mistakenly think that since some time has passed, you are better, that you have grieved, and that you have moved on.
Physical or Remote Consultations?
1-The Benefits of Physical Consultations
It is often difficult to confide in someone you do not know; especially when it comes to things as personal as the loss of a loved one. Consulting a therapist directly in their office allows for more intimacy and confidence.
This also facilitates the establishment of dialogue. Don’t worry, it’s only natural that you will be uncomfortable during the initial sessions, but you will become more relaxed as the relationship with your therapist progresses.
2-The benefits of remote consultations
The bereaved are challenged and exhausted by loss and devastating feelings. They need ease, not new challenges.
That’s why teleconsultations allow bereaved people to take care of themselves from their living rooms. You can hear your difficulties without moving. You stay in your cocoon, without the stress of locating a new address, traffic, parking, or being late for the appointment.
Adapting to Loss
The grieving process can take a few months to a year, and sometimes longer. You may feel better on certain days, and then be overwhelmed by a wave of painful emotions or thoughts. This is perfectly normal; healing from loss is not a linear process, and takes time. It may be tempting to withdraw, or you may think that your grief is a burden to others, but it is important not to isolate yourself.
Contact us for counseling in Montreal.